You are not mistakenly hearing incorrectly.
Over the millennia, yeti has been awarded with numerous trophies. Titles such as "Most Particular" and "Best at Toe-clipping" are not unfamiliar to yeti, who wears T-shirts bearing such sentiments. In America, the Abominable Snowman is known as "The Bigfoot". He goes by many other names, but most of them aren't in English and are difficult to pronounce. They sound like curse words. To protect children, I will not include them here. I can't be held liable if they accidently appear in any of my images, however.
Today I am focusing my energies on the action figures of yeti. Many of you ponder this all the time and send me letters. Today I hope to answer some "Frequently Asked Questions", or "FAQ". I hope to read your FAQ and answer them. Your FAQ are perfectly good. There are no stupid FAQ. Here I go:
(Question) Why is it that some action figures are brown and some are white and some are black?
(Answer) It's because of the pigments (or dyes/hues) that the people use to make the action figures. I hope this answers your question. If not, please reword it. Maybe you meant 'what is the difference between the Abominable Snowman and The Bigfoot? The answer to that would take me several years to put here, but to put it extremely briefly, I will say that geographic location plays a part, as does maternal influence.
(Question) Why does the brown one sometimes (or at least this one time) emit a strange yellow glowing?
(Answer) Please don't categorize them by color, like you just did with "brown one". They don't like it and they will snarl at you (plus! they have claws and are bigger than you - which means they can beat you in a fight). Back to the question: Nobody, not even yeti, glows yellow. This is somebody's fault, and you should take it back to the action figure store, and tell them that you are on "shrooms" and describe the problem. It is important to use this exact term: "shrooms". It is a code word that gets you into Santa's secret workshop via a trapdoor in the back of the store. Do not be afraid of Santa's undulating mouths.
(Question) Is yeti ready for afterschool special!?
(Answer) I did a lot of research on this, and I have determined that it is not a very good question. I am going to write to your congressman and report you as a "danger to the state". Don't worry, the penalty is a weekend in Fresno and a box of saltines. Enjoy.
(Question) I am engaged to be married in approximately 30 years. What can I expect as a wedding present at that time? I realize the answers may fool me!
(Answer) You're right, they will. Expect yeti effigies to be much much larger. And "Animaltronic" and capable of being fed with cute "magic spoons". When yeti has to nap, the eyes will be HIGHLY HIGHLY realistic in repose. YOU WILL SEE THE REM SLEEP GOING ON. No lie! Also, expect the usual things like a hat that has an abominable snowman wearing a tie on it, a buzzer that goes "BZZZZZZZZZ... BIGFOOT TIME!", and carpal tunnel syndrome.
(Question) Why would they make him as a soft cute gorilla type thing?
(Answer) Because men and women age 40-42 love it. As do small-sized puppies. They go bonzai ga-ga over it. Read about this kind of phenomena in all the papers. It's a certified tropism.
I hope you enjoyed these questions and can sleep at night. Now enjoy two of the modern figurines that our nation's hipsters have contrived to mess with your milk!
Yeti and pal. Hey, he's got horns.
Yeti with Green Goop All Over Him!
