Thursday, November 30, 2006

Hulk and Yeti... what gives?!

Recently an anonymous commenter asked me why I included an image of the Incredible Hulk as Yeti on this site.

They say a picture is worth one thousand words, so here is a picture...

In order to make it 1011 words, I am including the following explanation of the above picture, taken directly from this site...

"Hulk dons a suit that makes him resemble the Abominable Snowman."

This is not the first time the Hulk & Yeti have been together.

For lo, They battled each other (scroll down to the bottom of that post).

To the death!

Monday, November 27, 2006

a yeti poem for you

By Wislawa Szymborska

“Notes from a Nonexistent Himalayan Experience”

So these are the Himalayas.
Mountains racing to the moon.
The moment of their start recorded
on the startling, ripped canvas of the sky.
Holes punched in a desert of clouds.
Thrust into nothing.
Echo–a white mute.

Yeti, down there we’ve got Wednesday,
bread and alphabets.
Two times two is four.
Roses are red there,
and violets are blue.

Yeti, crime is not all
we’re up to down there.
Yeti, not every sentence there
means death.

We’ve inherited hope–
the gift of forgetting.
You’ll see how we give
birth among the ruins.

Yeti, we’ve got Shakespeare there.
Yeti, we play solitaire
and violin. At nightfall,
we turn lights on, Yeti.

Up here it’s neither moon nor earth.
Tears freeze.
Oh Yeti, semi-moonman,
turn back, think again!

I called this to the Yeti
inside four walls of avalanche,
stomping my feet for warmth
on the everlasting


Thanks to Sean!

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

He said / She said

“"If it looks like a yeti, and it walks like a yeti, it's still probably just some guy in a yeti suit."

- Zen proverb

“There is precious little in civilization to appeal to a Yeti.”

- Edmund Hillary

"You’ll be amazed when I tell you that I’m sure that they exist."

- Jane Goodall, when referring to yeti

“"I will name him George and I will hug him and squeeze him."

-The Abominable Snowman, when referring to a duck

And then some links:


Look at this all-star cast: William H. Macy?!

The Unicorns broke up but they left us this final song, which the new band still plays: Abominable Snowman. Featured lyric: "Track sasquatches through the snowy climes of Canada. Are you an upright bear? Are you even there?"

Friday, November 17, 2006

Chimp In A Blimp 2

A year ago I pitched an idea for a movie... Chimp In A Blimp.

Here is the synopsis:

Buddy the lovable chimpanzee escapes from the zoo and "chimp"-jacks a blimp to HILARIOUS RESULTS. It's "up, up, and away" for our Buddy who manages to charm his way into the hearts of the passengers, especially the stewardesses. A brief stop at the U.N. allows Buddy to help out his new friend the Ambassador and save the world's nations from war! Good thing Buddy knows how to swing around on ropes just like Tarzan. He even knows how to yell like Tarzan! You'll laugh when he imitates Tarzan a lot and mistakes the Arabian Crescent, a stolen heirloom of the Sultan's, for a banana! Plus he wears human clothes to hilarious effect and, in one extremely surprising but oddly touching moment, solemnly dons an old lady disguise!

All this talk about yeti being a chimpanzee has got me thinking. That's right, folks. I already have an idea for a sequel to Chimp In A Blimp! And this is before the first one has even come out yet nor in fact has even been scripted. Any Hollywoodies out there reading this? Then you know that having a sequel idea already in place for your movie-concept is a major point in one's favor. How many times have producers, after hearing a pitch, suddenly found the following thought being trumpeted in their minds like a fire alarm: "But what would a sequel be like?! That's right - after the movie is made and comes out in theatres, you'd be up a creek without a paddle. Nothing to do but nervously twiddle your thumbs. But not with me! My idea for Chimp In A Blimp 2 gives the reassurance Hollywood craves and needs. We're talking already-conceived franchise material here. I've done all the work. You just sit back and smoke your ritzy cigars.

So here's my idea for Chimp In A Blimp 2: Buddy On Ice. I haven't written the pitch yet (that would take me weeks and I would have to book a hotel, lock the door, see absolutely no one, and shut out all light sources), but I do have some initial thoughts. Buddy, piloting his blimp alone on the way to Hawaii, crash-lands (to many chuckles) deep within the frozen mountains. As he wanders around, having fun and goofing off, people think he's the Abominable Snowman. Legends begin to brew. Is this the yeti? His footprints convince notable scientists that he is clearly different and also significantly better than the bigfoot. Some gangsters disguised as yak are thwarted by Buddy's apey good fun. They think he's the legendary Snowman, see? And they get scared and run away. Buddy thwarts them with his enjoyable scare tactics. A rare form of "ice banana" is discovered, and out of gratitude, the sherpa name it after him. Their community is saved from corporate greed! He also snowboards in an exciting chase sequence. But it's less of a chase and more of a "Look out, Buddy! You are accidently snowboarding and doing all these amazing stunts and Oh! I am laughing!" kind of a sequence. Shenanigants are also had with a ski-lift and an avalanche and a snowball fight and Buddy's tongue getting stuck to a pole.

Hallowood, I am your man.

Yeti is a truly American icon

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

It all comes down to the toes

What I learned today from this NPR Talk of the Nation about the Sasquatch:

- The yeti is very different in stature and behavior to the bigfoot.
- There is very little evidence of yeti footprints.
- But this is what we know: the yeti has a divergent big toe - like those possessed by a large chimpanzee.
- The bigfoot differs, however. It has feet with the big toe aligned with the remaining digits.

* My conclusion: The yeti is a giant chimp.
* The bigfoot? Obviously some kind of weirdo.

Monday, November 13, 2006

Yeti is a card and there are two available

If you're like me, then you want yeti as a playable card, one that "deals damage equal to its power to target creature" and "gains first strike until end of turn".

It's just comforting to know.

Friday, November 10, 2006

Somehow Highly Appropriate To Me

I haven't confirmed he's right, but Neil Gaiman, in all truthfulness says that yeti literally translated means "that thing over there".

Here's Gaiman's take on it:

"Quick, brave Himalayan Guide - What's that thing over there?"


"I see."

Yeti is so so cute

"I'm as happy as a clam." What mother wouldn't love?

"Watch me trample a disco dancer." With a spark and a smile.

"Look how much shorter this fellow is." Always comparing himself to others. Such insecurities are charming.

"Boo! Did I maim you?" The wit of it!


That's right, a Frozen Arm

Ben Balistreri's yeti has a frozen arm! I think I speak with authority when I say that yeti are now sulking in their caves, silently wishing they too had a frozen arm.

This supplants an earlier contender for Most Likely To Inspire Jealousy Among Snow Beasts:

Monday, November 6, 2006


There's so much stuff on flickr tagged yeti, OMG.

Thursday, November 2, 2006

Revisiting my previous genius

Years ago, I posed the controversial, and if I do say so, landmark query:

Yeti = Snow Troll?!

To this date, not one mortal soul has come forward with a shred of evidence to dispute my sensational theorem. I would honestly settle for a mere shred, a crumb, the tattered scrap of a hem off the edge of the completely ignored part of the underside of evidence. But my allegorical mailbox remains ever-absent of such detritus. Reluctantly, I am forced to exclaim with the utmost and most brazen confidence that my challenge to disprove will never be met!

So yeah, I guess it's settled. Here's why yeti ain't no ape:

Ape Characteristics:
Often vegetarian
Small teeth
Lives in tropical climes
Enjoys learning sign language

could you really see this poor guy out in the snow?

Troll Characteristics:
Quite carnivorous
Big, freakin' huge fangs
Lives in areas where it gets cold (like Scandinavia or... the Himalayas?)
Enjoys gnawing on human legs

now we're talking! see? this. just. makes. sense.