A reader, Brennan Gage, writes:
I enjoyed [sic] your yeti site. Exhaustive, a tour de force.
Coincidentally, I got this note under my door this morning. Very strange. It said:
"Dear Friend Of Yeti Sir:
Please ask your yeti sir friend these questions for me. I want to know about yeti please.
1) Are yeti really clouds condensed through a manner other than rain?
2) Do yeti have friends or children? Can they live alone or in a tree?
3) If you believe in yeti, does it make more of them, like with angels or rich people?
4) When yeti jump high, can they get smaller way up high?
5) Do yeti have nice shoes or shoes like mine?
Thanks yeti friend sir,
bella."
Go figure!
In response, I say, I say, I say:
St. Josephine! This is quite an interesting find! You say it was placed under your door? How curious! And yet, how CRUCIAL (in our understanding of what makes yeti "tick"). You've quite accidently stumbled upon one of the better finds that this particularly failing country has had in the last thirty-three years (not counting 1971). This is a significant boost to the economy, I'm just going to come right out and say it. Say good-bye to debt. Say "SOO LONNG!" Disagree? Then argue with me.
In answer to bella's numbered (?!?) questions...
1) Are yeti really clouds condensed through a manner other than rain?
Yeti are cloud-like formations. This is not trivial. Why would a cloud lie? How would it? Clouds are made of hair and can elude enthusiasts, just like anything else can if I choose it to. Condensation presupposes precipitation.
2) Do yeti have friends or children? Can they live alone or in a tree?
Yeti transcends the familial boundaries that we are so accustomed to in our everyday routine lives. On Thursdays, for example, we eat promotional mail-in biscuits. The kind you or I dismiss is greatly desired by the Yeti.
3) If you believe in yeti, does it make more of them, like with angels or rich people?
It would actually do the opposite. Believing in yeti removes yeti. Belittling yeti, on the other hand, makes more of them. Beauty pageant contestants can no doubt relate.
4) When yeti jump high, can they get smaller way up high?
Only if they want to land on a twig or the back of a bug.
5) Do yeti have nice shoes or shoes like mine?
Your shoes are poor and reflect shoddy workmanship. The yeti, however, is a connoisseur of fine tastes and delicacies. He would never lower himself to philistine standards. He wears no shoes that we know of. Unless those are furry boots he's got on to match his furry pants. Hmm.
